Family Matters, But So Do I

Yesterday--or perhaps it was two years ago--a rather devout parishioner told me that she has a few people in her family who are priests. I know that several of her relatives, also registered parishioners, do not attend Mass regularly. I do not know for certain the effect of this woman's example on the other family members; that may be something to find out in the next life. On another occasion a woman (also of the Christmas/Easter/family event variety) mentioned by name the priest to whom she is related. I also know a fellow who has told me a relative of his "goes to church enough for all of  [her children]."

I don't know if other priests encounter this sort of situation. I suspect they do.

Unfortunately one person's Mass attendance, standing in the Church, relation to a priest or consecrated religious, or whatever, can't "count for" another person's expected fidelity.

The practice of a priest giving his Chrism-soaked manutergium to his mother, or the first-Confession stole to his father, is sweet and sentimental. As my class was approaching ordination, I knew of the former custom but not the latter. Now that my father is dead and buried, and I didn't happen to have a stole on me when my first penitent requested Confession (I wasn't in a confessional), that possibility is forever lost. But I did give Mom the manutergium (manus, hand + tergere, to wipe off). To be technical, my classmate and I used a purificatory (used to clean the chalice after reception of Holy Communion); an actual manutergium is long enough to bind the hands.

As the story goes, the mother of a priest is buried with the manutergium in her hands so that, when she meets her Maker, she can say to Him, "See, I have given You a priest." It's kinda like, "See, I have made [one] more!" (cf. Mt 25:20,22) She did have a lot to do with me--as a human being and as a priest.

The Proof is in the Putting

My mother worked for nearly 40 years as a Licensed Practical Nurse. Not long after my ordination she told me that some of her coworkers said that she should have no problem getting into heaven now that she has a son who is a priest. She quickly refuted that claim: "It doesn't work that way."

Didn't Jesus have something to say about this fantasy?

• "While [Jesus] was speaking, a woman from the crowd called out and said to him, 'Blessed is the womb that carried you and the breasts at which you nursed.' 'Rather, blessed are those who hear the word of God and observe it.'" (Lk 11:27-28) (One of my favorite Gospels du jour, because of the punch it packs)
• Oops--this was John the Baptist, but no matter: "And do not presume to say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.' For I tell you, God can raise up children to Abraham from these stones." (Mt 3:9) (I admit that I have fantasized about using an extremely earthy variation of this line on those who would ride another's coattails to heaven--a line that I doubt nobody else would take credit for. If it ever seems opportune...no! I still can't use it!)

My ordination to the priesthood is a boon to Christ our Savior and Holy Mother Church, whom I am honored to serve. In a way it is also an honor to my family. For this reason I have preferred people to address me as "Father Zelonis." I have oft said that most of my family are surprised enough that a Zelonis should have become a priest. To my knowledge, neither side is banking their salvation on the fact that I am a priest. I can't even do that! 

Likewise, no believer can continue to live freely and consciously as he or she pleases and figure that Nana's or Uncle Henry's faith will take care of them. Now it may, as in the case of Saint Monica, be the necessary intercession that could move a child, grandchild, parent, niece or nephew to repentance and conversion; it could be the good example that always comes back to haunt or intrigue, or perchance inspire.

Sacramental Sponsorship: Supernatural Selection

My point of departure for this post is a blog post by Fr. Jay Toborowsky of the blog "Young Fogeys" on the subject of the selection and qualifications of a baptismal sponsor (Godparent).

I am not posting the article to dispute with its Reverend Author, nor would I offer my own experiences as a corrective to, or corroboration with, his experience and understanding.  As I see it, we are brother priests who face days that, I sadly note, many elder brother priests are glad to say are more behind them than ahead of them.

"Woe to pregnant women and nursing mothers in those days." (Mt 24:19)

This much I can say with certainty: Fr. Toborowsky and all priests want people to grow in appreciation for the dignified role of the Godparent of a Catholic, and a fortiori, the Parent of a Catholic.  In practice, Godparents do not spend the same quality or quantity of time with children as their parents do.  While for various reasons a priest may refuse or defer authorization for a person to be a Godparent, he certainly can't do that for a person to be a parent.  That's God's call.  But the responsibilities of a parent are more grave and immediate, so the challenge is first to be issued to our parents (see image below).

Copyright whoever. It's a Michelin ad, so they can send me a couple of bucks for using their slogan.
Or free tires for life--that'll work.

The Church does not (cannot!) forbid non-practicing Catholics (or non-practicing anything) to be parents; and yet parents are charged to be the "first teachers in the practice of the faith...[and] the best of teachers" (Rite of Baptism).

We don't like to refuse Baptism to a child, though Church Law permits us to defer Baptism (Can. 868)  when the practice of the faith is non-existent--when the child doesn't currently inhabit a "village" that will raise it or a "culture" that will cultivate it.  I suspect that deferral is, in practice, not very common; that priests look for any reason (grasping at straws, even) to baptize.

Furthermore, we don't like to refuse anyone the recognition to be an Auxiliary Parent (to coin a fitting euphemism for godparent). The Romans used to say, "nemo dat quod non habet" (no one gives what he doesn't have), so how can we comfortably attest that a lapsed or weak Catholic will help to raise anything but the same (barring, of course, the grace of God who does far more than we can ever ask or imagine)?

The Church is not cruel, deferring or refusing just so people do what "we" want them to do, to toe the line.  (This creates a climate of tacit approval of laxity, anyhow, and we'd have to answer for that.)  But the Church must not abdicate her role as "mother and teacher" of the faithful.  Like it or not, that role puts priests in the position of enforcing rules that we did not make.  Rules regarding eligibility for sponsorship have in mind people's full religious, spiritual, moral, etceteral flourishing.  We don't want anyone to settle for any sort of mediocrity.

||:   I have to hold myself to the same standard.  Is it too high a standard?  That question, honestly, remains open for me.  Perhaps my lack of committal to high standards of belief and practice is wishy-washy.  Until all Catholics are practicing the Faith with greater devotion, I will encourage people to that devotion, granting permissions as often as possible and refusals as few as possible.  Will this only encourage lax and insincere identification with the Catholic Faith?   :||